I never meant to have you.
Neither was it my intent to drown you.
At sea? allow me to explain myself.
See, when she frantically told me she was thirty two weeks due,
your then host noticed something in my eyes, similar to a dew.
Due to which, she figured I didn’t find patrihood partly good.
She was right.
Now hold up…before you slam the gavel, find below my alibi.
There’s a reason I felt you weren’t ready for the zebra toy-
frankly, ’cause I couldn’t afford it.
And child, what’s the use of the sun getting out of bed,
when the hay isn’t yet made?
And despite her name, a rose never rose from concrete.
Similarly, has a sunflower ever bloomed in darkness?
The point I’m getting at is this;
I had always wished for your comfort by the time it’s your birthday
but since wishes aren’t horses,
at seventeen, I couldn’t gallop fast enough to reach my wish.
I hope you understand.
But how can you understand
yet your fit little feet never once earned a stand?
I’ll help you understand what I understand first hand.
The sight of peers pedaling
and yourself not, can pierce terribly.
And when you reach for the snob’s BMX,
it’s always bound to be a mess.
Yes, children too can become cold!
And when the weather becomes children,
you’d have needed a thick fluffy fabric, preferably linen.
From the horse’s mouth stomach this, never once did cold get lenient.
Oh and did I mention the cries of hunger?
The Caged Bird Sings, not of elation
but of pangs of the prevalence of privations.
Aliyeumwa na nyoka, akiona ung’ong’o huogopa.
At seventeen, a mere teen,
Who could hardly fend for self,
leave alone fend for a friend;
holding flesh of flesh and blood of blood in arm,
I couldn’t get my mind off the ultimate result of harm.
So I actualized it.
I killed you out of love.
For what else would a loving parent wish for their child
besides a better life?
And if religion is anything to go by,
I’m certain heaven is offering you that.
So innocent, flawless and clean a slate,
I beckoned you early to the pearly gates
before the slate got stained.
I’m older now and if a free verse
I’d crack the genuine smile I miss.
Happy Birthday child.